How to steal 50 million dollars from your fans in 27 minutes?

22-Year-Old TikToker Discovers Faster Way to Commit Securities Fraud Than Going to Business School

Here's how Hawk Tuah stole $50M from her fans and how the story broke on X!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I love about America in 2024. A 22-year-old girl who got famous for making faces on TikTok just pulled off a $50 million crypto heist, and then – I swear to God – she went to bed! She went to sleep! Like she just finished watching an episode of "Friends" instead of committing grand larceny!

This is Hailey Welch, the "Hawk Tuah girl." And let me tell you something – this is the American dream! You used to have to work for decades on Wall Street, networking at charity galas, and playing golf with senators, before you could steal this kind of money. Now? You just need an iPhone, zero moral compass, and some sleazy Hollywood agent who got fired from WME for inappropriate touching at the office Christmas party! That's it!

This girl probably met some 55-year-old agent at Soho House who was doing key bumps in between telling her she's "the next Charli D'Amelio" while his wife was at home reading scripts about female empowerment. She did not mind telling him about “ Hawk Tuah” and maybe even some TikTok mouth dance. Next thing you know, she's doing a podcast with Cuban, a crypto coin, and she's stealing more money than Bernie Madoff! This is what luck looks like in 2024! This is manifestation! This is what they mean when they say "create your own destiny" - commit securities fraud before you're old enough to rent a car!

Her podcast was the fifth most popular in the world! Fifth! Joe Rogan, watch out – there's a new scammer in town! And what does she do with this success? Does she sell merchandise? Launch a skincare line? No! She decides, "You know what? I'm going to create a cryptocurrency!" Because that's what we do now! That's normal!

Hawk Tuah and her Crypto Bros promoted it to her million fans. Within hour the coin hit $500 million market cap and then it was immediately nuked to $25 million. That's 95% of your money gone in a few minutes.. Do you understand what I'm saying? $500 MILLION! That's "build a hospital" money! That's "solve homelessness in a mid-sized city" money! And it was all based on a girl whose claim to fame is “ What’s good for the hole is not always good for the soul” while she makes faces on TikTok! This is end-times behavior! This is what happens before God floods the Earth again! This is the beginning and the end of the $HAWK story.

And then – this is my favorite part – when it all comes crashing down, when people are losing their life savings when the crypto investigators are exposing her lies, what does she do? She gets on X (Twitter) Spaces and says she's tired! She's TIRED! "Sorry I stole your money, guys, but I need my beauty rest! Girlboss needs her nine hours!"

This is beautiful! This is perfect! While Bernie Madoff spent decades building elaborate schemes, this girl speedran financial fraud like it was a Mario Kart-level! She spawned, chose her character, and chose CRIME! Just minutes after the coin started dipping, she posted the tokenomics and claimed that the team was holding the coin, but it was all gone.

Investigation and I use this word loosely by Bubblemaps revealed that 96% of the supply was in one group. Around 285 “insiders” joined the $HAWK presale. Just 89 wallets sold 100% immediately, while the fans and the interned were buying. Guess they don't have as much faith in “Spit on that Thing”, to sell 100% in minutes and let the others hold the bag. Not even a few days pretending, just instant pump and dumb, and $50 Million is Gone.

They're talking about lawsuits now. Law firms are circling like vultures. But you know what? In a healthy society, we'd put this girl in charge of Goldman Sachs! Because at least she's honest about being a criminal! At least she's not pretending to care about your retirement account while she yacht-shops in the Cayman Islands!

And you want to know the real kicker? People are mad at HER! They're furious! Meanwhile, every major bank in America has paid billions in fines for doing THE EXACT SAME THING! But they do it in suits and ties, so it's fine! They do it with PowerPoint presentations and quarterly earnings calls!

This is what I'm trying to tell you – we're living in a simulation where the NPCs have figured out they can just steal! A 22-year-old figured out what takes Harvard MBAs years to master, and she did it by posting dance videos!

Hawk and her team made an X space to explain what happened and lied some more while Cofezzilla questioned them like Jack McKoy.

To all the people who lost money – I'm sorry, I really am. But also, what did you expect? You invested in a cryptocurrency named after a TikTok trend! This is like giving your life savings to a fortune cookie! "Oh, but , the tokenomics looked solid!" The WHAT? The TOKENOMICS? You're using words that didn't exist five years ago to justify giving your money to someone whose job is making faces on a phone!

I should've done this! Instead of writing emails. making ads, running campaigns, working hard – I should've just made a coin! MJCoin! Buy it now! The tokenomics are great because I SAY they are! And then when it crashes, I'll just say I'm sleepy and log off! That's the future of finance, ladies and gentlemen!

As BitCoin smashed 100 K remember – if you're thinking about investing in the next viral crypto project, just send the money directly to me instead. At least I'll tell you I'm going to waste it! At least I'll be honest about using it to buy steak at Wolfgang’s!

One way to make money is to create content on X, you should try it.